Pirates & Privateers: Books for Adults~Miscellany

Cover
Art: The Government Manual for
New Pirates

The Government Manual for New Pirates
by Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein
Andrews McMeel, 2007, ISBN 978-0-7407-6790-6, US $10.95

When you first pick up this book, you may ask yourself why the government would publish a how-to book for pirates? After all, pirates detest government – it goes against most of what they believe. It isn’t long before the scurvy dogs who penned this book explain that while “[t]he radish-eatin’ land Government don’t dare publish no manual for us, no, but the Pirate Government got no such qualms.” Of course, you’re off to a bad start in learning how to be a pirate if you buy this book – true pirates only acquire treasure through stealing.*

Slightly larger than a pocket guidebook, this manual is divided into eight chapters of information every pirate-in-training needs to learn. Chapter 1 helps you locate pirates, including ways to avoid the land and where to find the best hot spots in Tortuga, Hispaniola, and other Caribbean islands. Chapter 2 addresses appropriate attire from heads to pegs, as well as accessories and what not to wear. Chapter 3 provides instruction on how to talk like a pirate, while the next one discusses pirate ships, covering such information as good and bad names, parts of the vessel, and dangers that lurk in the oceans’ depths. Chapters 5 and 6 recount the guidelines pirates should abide by and how to fight in true piratical style. The final two chapters explain how pirates amuse themselves and how they locate buried treasure. There are also four appendices – lyrics to popular pirate chanteys, a nontraditional chantey attributed to Po’beard, a favorite pirate recipe, and an eye patch. The book is indexed.

If you’ve not guessed by now, this manual is a tongue-in-cheek look at the world of pirates. Many sections will have you smiling or laughing. A few may make you groan. There’s a fair amount of truth interwoven into the text, but the information about tricorne and bicorne hats is backward. (Golden age pirates wear the former, while Napoleon and Admiral Nelson sport the latter.) There are a few sections where it’s wise to stay alert, especially if the text starts to bore you, for that’s when you may discover a hidden message. My two favorite sections are “Speak in the Manner of a Pirate,” which includes “A Very Complex and Intimidating Statistical Equation,” and Appendix A, which has a new version of “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” (If you think the old one is mind-numbing, wait until you sing this one!) Even the book’s cover contains important information for readers. Great for learning a bit more about true pirattitude – as long as you don’t take the advice too seriously.

*Disclaimer: As an author, I recommend purchasing this book or borrowing it from your library rather than pilfering it. This paragraph merely recounts what the authors of the book wrote.

A Mariner’s Miscellany
by Peter H. Spectre
Sheridan House, 2005, ISBN 1-57409-195-6, US $19.95 / £12.95

This compendium is a collection of folklore, writings, poems, drawings, and advice for mariners and those with a love of the sea. As the author explains, it is “a combination of the tangible and the intangible – practical information about boats, anchors, rope, and ballast, cheek by jowl with poetry, legend, lore, superstitions, language of the sea, art, thoughts about literature, and more.” The “more” includes life at sea, sea songs, salty advice, sailors’ food and drink, navigation, communication, the weather, the captain, the naming of vessels, and historical events and ships.

Although pirates are absent from this book, it’s a wonderful collection of information that will educate and remind readers of many aspects of the sailing world both past and present. If you enjoy Mr. Spectre’s annual desk diary The Mariner’s Book of Days, you’ll enjoy this book even more.

Cover Art: U.S.
Navy Pirate Combat
Skills

U.S. Navy Pirate Combat Skills
by Department of the Navy
Lyons Press, 2011, ISBN 978-0-7627-7037-3, US $14.95 / CAN $16.95

To the uninitiated this book may seem like a manual on how to take down pirates, but it soon becomes apparent that it is more tongue-in-cheek than reality. The guest foreword, written by “(Retired) Admiral I. I. Scuttle, Commander of the Fighting 44th Anti-Pirate Assault, the Most Decorated Anti-Piracy Unit in U.S. Navy History,” is a rousing rah-rah introduction to the manual. There is nothing subtle or toned down in his narrative, and he concludes his remarks with an invitation to join him in singing "Pirate Slayers We," the “age-old pirate-hunter’s anthem.”

Arranged into two parts – Offensive Strategies and Defensive Strategies – the information is divided into sixteen chapters.

Pirate Ship Boarding Assaults
On-Deck Hand-to-Hand and Hand-to-Hook Combat
Handheld Weapons
Riverine Assault Operations
Waterway Interdiction, Surveillance, Barrier, and Security Operations
Special Operations
Diving in Support of Anti-Pirate Operations
Parachute Operations
Miscellaneous Anti-Pirate Operations
Weapons
Demolitions
Contingency Planning
Defensive Command and Control
Medical Evacuations (MEDEVACS)
Survival at Sea
Escape from Captivity

The book also includes three appendices: Nautical Abbreviations, Seabag Checklist, and Loadout Lists. A host of drawings illustrate key points in the text, and these often include subtle humor (though if the advice isn’t heeded, the seaman or soldier may well find himself in dire straits).

U.S. Navy Pirate Combat Skills is an odd mixture of 18th-century scurvy dogs and present-day hunters. This field manual has a ring of truth that makes the reader think “if only” we’d known that then or had that technology existed and why can’t pirates today be so easily defeated?